Above: Detail of promotional graphic

The cards have a makeup photo on the front and a product showcase on the back.

Last year I designed a series of promotional postcards to pack with orders as well as to distribute to our retailers. The cards can be appreciated by themselves or as a series, as they form a mini catalogue highlighting all of the various product ranges. Although some of the products are currently sold out, many of them are still available at Surgeon-x (Australia) and Black Pill Red Pill at 25% off as we make way for our new range.

Miss X Cosmetics Division Mini Catalogue Detailed view

Actual photos of the cards

I didn’t manage to get very good photographs of the cards (and they are in Australia not here with me right now), but I did manage to take 2 quick photos before they were distributed.

As I was compiling my portfolio of freelance design work I’ve undertaken over the last year, I came across a project that I had a lot of fun doing for my uber talented friend Emily for her rockabilly fashion label Baroque and Roll.

Logo design which I tweaked to improve legibility.

Emily has a very strong design aesthetic (as well as an obsession with the Cramps and the colour slime green) that she carries through all of her collections. Thus in my design for her website, I tried to extrapolate her personality and design sensibility into my illustrations. For her ‘tales from the deep’ collection look book, I very much enjoyed designing a range of b-movie inspired sea monsters to complement the tentacle motif that Emily incorporated into her range. It was also amazing to collaborate with the brilliant talents of Zeiko Nedic who photographed the gorgeous Mishella Fortune for the look book.

It’s always awesome to support independent designers, so please take the time to check out the Baroque and Roll facebook page for the latest news about the label. For all you burlesque bunnies, tentacle lovers & ladies that like their liquor hard and their men bad, Baroque and Roll is the label for you!

p.s. If you are in Sydney, this weekend Baroque and Roll is showing 4 collections at the Sydney Tattoo and Body Art Expo (2:20pm Sunday 7th March)

Website Screen Grabs

Tales from the Deep collection lookbook illustrations

Photograph by Diego Corredor and wig by Flame

Late one Saturday night a few weeks ago, I received a text from my friend and hairstylist Flame asking me if I could come to the Patricia Field Salon for a Sunday video shoot to fill in for a model who had pulled out at the last minute. I was told to wear red and without knowing what to expect at all, I turned at the shoot and had an absolute blast. The shoot was extremely spontaneous and lively because of the fun loving models (Reiko, Giselle, Laila, Steffi, Apathy, Jovan, Eddy & Angelo) who were brought together by Flame. The photographs were taken by the Diego Corredor and the video was shot by William Caballero who were both awesome.

My outfit is one of my favourite latex ensembles which I wore on the last Angelspit tour. It’s comprised of various pieces from my top three favourite latex designers, Atsuko Kudo, Jane Doe Latex and Vex Clothing.

Lips Necklace: Miss X Jewellery (available at Black Pill Red Pill & Etsy)
Strapless Bow Top & Cross Bones Mini Skirt: Jane Doe Latex
Mini Beret & Fingerless gloves: Atsuko Kudo
Corset: Morgana Femme Couture
Thigh High Stockings: Agent Provocateur
Spats: Vex Clothing
Shoes: Dsquared2
Stripy braces: Camden Markets

Video of the Photoshoot By William Caballero

William Caballero shot a super fun video of the shenanigans at the shoot. If the embedded video doesn’t work, please use this link instead.

Behind the Scenes Photography By ZooG

I dragged ZooG along for the day and he took some fly on the wall photographs of the day. These photographs make me smile because they show how much fun it can be to just get together with friends, be silly and spontaneous, yet also come out with an awesome creative outcome.

This is the second part of my Beauty Q & A series where I answer reader questions about makeup. If you missed the first installment on foundation, check it out here.

QUESTION: How do you deal with mistakes such as extending too far and that annoying fallout of loose eyeshadow. - Luise

ANSWER: I always try to apply makeup with baby steps, so that I can avoid mistakes like extending out too far. Unfortunately if that happens, I normally use a baby wipe to remove the makeup and start again which can be quite frustrating.

Fallout can be very annoying if you have already made up your entire face. So I usually try to do the top half of my makeup first, do my eye makeup and then clean up the fallout, before finishing the makeup to the bottom half of my face. (I answered a similar question also in the foundation FAQ)

QUESTION: How best to apply false eyelashes and which glue do you use? (I know most sets come with a free tube, but I find they often don’t last very long or tend to be already dried up). I get lots of problems with getting glue in my eye or gluing top and bottom lashes together accidentally!- Luise

ANSWER: I would recommend Duo Surgical Adhesive as being the best eyelash glue. You should be able to purchase it from MAC counters or a good beauty supply store. Putting false eyelashes in can be extremely hard, but practice makes perfect. I would suggest perhaps using less glue and waiting until the glue is tacky before applying the eyelashes. The glue shouldn’t be runny enough to stick your bottom and top lashes together accidentally! I have written a whole article about false eyelashes previously which you can check out here.

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QUESTION: I love makeup and I love doing makeup for other people. The one problem I always run into is with my sister. She is Korean (we are both adopted) and I’m just not always very confident on how to apply her eye makeup correctly since she doesn’t have the crease that a lot of people I put makeup on do. It’s due to a lack of knowledge/practice on my part. I love your looks and would really like to recreate them on my pretty little sister. Any quick tips for me and her? - P.Magpie

ANSWER: As I am asian too and do not have an ‘eye crease’, I have also encountered the same challenges when adapting eye makeup looks for my own eyes. I find that many tutorials and beauty editorials in magazines do not feature many asian models, which can make it difficult to figure out how to put the makeup on so that it flatters the eyeshape. So instead of trying to replicate the looks in fashion directly, I would suggest that you should take inspiration from the colours and texture of the makeup look and adapt it to the eye shape you are working with.

Most of the time when I do my own makeup, I colour in the entire eyelid with eyeliner (in a cat eye shape), as this can really flatter asian eyes. Lastly, I find that because I don’t have a crease in my eye, it leaves more space for me to fill in with eyeshadow between my eye and brow bone which I think can be an advantage! Ultimately, you will just have to experiment with finding an eyeshadow shape which suits your sisters eyes.

QUESTION: Is there anything special which you use to ‘fixate’ your (eye)make-up to make it last throughout the day? - Kurai

ANSWER: Yes! My ’secret weapon’ is ‘Two Faced Shadow Insurance’ Eye primer. You just put a small amount on your eyelids and your eyeshadow will ’stick’ to it and last all day without creasing. I would highly recommend investing in it! I have also had good experiences with Urban Decay’s Potion Primer.

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QUESTION: I’ve never tried putting loose glitter on my eyes before. So I’d like to know how to apply it and make it stick without any of it falling off (and into the eyes). - Typhoid

ANSWER: Loose glitter can be extremely messy and when it comes in contact with the eye can sometimes be irritating and harmful (especially for contact lense wearers). I find the easiest way to apply glitter is to first coat the area where you want to stick the glitter to with some kind of emulsion based product, such as gel eyeliner or cream eyeshadow and then dab the glitter on with a brush when the product is still tacky or wet. When the product dries, it will make the glitter stick. Miss X also has glitter glue available for applying loose glitter to which is available here.

QUESTION: I’ve recently discovered the joy of lining my waterline. I know lots of people say not to - but I like the ‘finished’ look it gives to a whole makeup look. The only problem is, that I can never get it to stay! I’m forever having to reapply it when I go out, which is such a pain - even if I use waterproof! Is there a way to get eyeliner to stay on my waterline, or am I doomed to forever reapply while I’m out? - Heart Grenade

ANSWER: I say YES to lining the waterline. I think it also looks really awesome and completes your makeup look. I find that I just use MAC kohl pencil eyeliner for the waterline and that lasts all day. Unfortunately, if you have naturally watery eyes you will probably need to keep reapplying it. Another product you might like to try is gel eyeliner which you can use with an angled eyeliner brush for precision application. I often find it has a better sticking power than pencil eyeliner because it is more pigmented. However I would caution you to be careful not to put anything too strong (like liquid eyeliner for example which can be a bit ‘fumey’) on the waterline as it can often irritate your eyes.

QUESTION: What do you do to prepare your skin for color to make it pop out as well as possible? - Lucinda Lee

ANSWER: As I mentioned before I always prime my eyes using ‘Two Faced Shadow Insurance’ Eye primer to make the eyeshadow stick to my eyes. Also, I have found that putting a base of white gel eyeliner or white face paint underneath the eyeshadow can make any weak eyeshadow pop. If that is not available to you, I would suggest using any white chubby eyeliner pencil as a base (I have heard NYX does a good version though I haven’t tried this myself).

QUESTION: How do you get your makeup to look so…symmetrical. I often find that I can start with one eye, and apply the makeup perfectly on one side, but when I go to do the other eye, it just doesn’t look right. - Lolita

ANSWER: The obvious answer is that practice makes perfect! However, most people don’t have symmetrical faces, so don’t sweat too much about the makeup not looking 100% symmetrical. I usually do each makeup step on both sides of the face (e.g. I put eyeshadow on my right and left eye before proceeding to the eyeliner stage) as I find it aids in making the overall look symmetrical. I have gone out with quite asymmetrical makeup, and most people don’t notice, so I wouldn’t worry about the symmetry of your makeup too much!

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QUESTION: I was wondering if you could do like a little video tutorial to show your techniques in applying things like eyeshadows and blending them? I have tried even the basics like a smoky eye which you can really smudge and can get away with shonky blending techniques, but if I want to so some really cool bright colours and blend on different parts of the eye I’m unsure of what goes first, in which part of the eye and how to layer them without them ending up murky and weird. Should I mix wet and dry eye shadows or loose powder and are there kind of rules on where darker eyeshadows or brighter ones should go? and I have the same problem with making them look symmetrical as well since my left hand is useless at precision! - Cookie

ANSWER: Video tutorials are definitely in the works (I’m just saving for a camera), however I can answer some of your questions. I find its much easier to either use all wet pigments or all dry pigments. If you have ever tried to mix a dry pigment over a wet pigment, you will probably find that it will go clumpy. I find it’s easiest to stick to wet or dry, or at least wait until the wet pigments are dry before attempting to blend them in with dry pigments.

Experimentation is key in eyeshadow placement and there are not really any hard and fast rules about where the darker and lighter colours go. I always just experiment (and I am often surprised by the outcomes actually!) I hope to share some more makeup tutorials with you soon with more experimental eyeshadow placement that deviates from the regular smokey eye look.

I use my right hand to apply makeup to both of my eyes. I don’t swap hands when I want to the the left side, as my left hand is not nearly as steady as my right hand.

QUESTION: How do you keep eyeliner or eyeshadow from rubbing off and forming half circles around the crease of your eye? - Sayuri

ANSWER: Again, I would like to recommend using ‘Two Faced Shadow Insurance’ Eye primer to make sure the eyeshadow and eyeliner really stick! It also helps to apply foundation on the eyelid before applying any makeup to the eye. If you have particularly oily eyelids, some people recommend applying silica or rice powder prior to applying the eye makeup as they help to absorb the oils on the eyelids.

QUESTION: What about eyebrows? I have really pale eyebrows and i was wondering if there is a good way to shape them, as i have difficulty seeing mine and also how do you apply eyeshadow to match them to a wig that is a different color than your natural? - Lucinda Lee

ANSWER: Having pale eyebrows can be a total blessing! This means, that you can probably draw your eyebrow shape as you please. I would suggest getting a sharp eyebrow pencil and drawing a shape that you feel suits your face. Then try to pluck your eyebrows into a shape which matches that line you drew. Zoetica Ebb did an absolutely brilliant tutorial on eyebrows which you should definitely check out.

To answer your second question, I find it’s really fun applying makeup to match a wig, because it means that you can try all different colours that match the wig instead of your natural hair colour. In general, when I am colour co-ordinating my makeup I try to either use matching colours or totally opposing colours. For example, if you were wearing a blue wig, you might like to try blue makeup to match, or wear red/orange makeup to provide contrast.

Another fur inspired style division comes courtesy of this $3 H&M faux fur scarf. A vintage boudoir look with a modern twist that would be perfect to wear to some of my favorite clubs like Dances of Vice in New York or Boheme Sauvage in Berlin.

This vintage inspired outfit is brought to you by some of my favorite things that I have been wearing daily. My giant grey bow by Forever 21 has rarely left my head since I bought it for $5 a few weeks ago, and my 6 strap suspender belt by Kiss Me Deadly has become a staple undergarment. My last obsession I should mention are my giant stripy hair slides by H&M which are the perfect clips to keep errant curls in place (without needing to use heat on my bleached hair).

Necklace: Miss X Jewellery Division ‘Bad Luck’ Charm Necklace (available at at Black Pill Red Pill & Etsy)
Sequin hotpants & Polka dot bustier: Topshop
6 strap suspender belt: Kiss me deadly
Nylon stockings: Cevrin (bought from Hepburn and Leigh)
Shoes: Dsquared2
Grey bow hairband: F21
Leather gloves: Mimco

SHOW_25-October 22 - Austin, TX - Emo’s

Inside the Emo’s venue in Austin. It’s a crazy run down kinda place.

RECOLLECTION: This was the day when it all went haywire. The tour had been going exceedingly smoothly with not many mishaps to report about. So when we arrived in Austin, we were totally unprepared for the strange series of events that we woke up to.

1. Our trusty and dependable tour manager Jacob had mysteriously broken his foot while partying in Dallas and was thus indisposed as he had to go to hospital.
2. KMFDM’s lighting guy was abducted by Texas rangers with no warning as soon as the buses arrived in Austin.
3. Duncan, our stage manager did not make it onto the tour bus the night before and was still in Austin.
4. The lighting rig on the stage was non-existent and without our lighting guy, we were without any stage lighting.

In the end though, everything turned out absolutely fine. Duncan arrived for the show, Jacob got a gimp boot for his broken foot and Sammy the lighting guy was released unscathed by the police after the show. We both played our shows with no lighting on the stage except for four work lights and a fog machine provided by the support band Chant Project (who were awesome!). The highlight of the evening was when I fell over during Vena Cava and got an amazing bruise on my hip. It ended up being an extremely fun show (Austin rocks and is a great city) and we celebrated into the wee hours of the morning.

Amazing hotsauce shop with hundreds of varieties.

View from the Hilton Austin (no we weren’t staying there for long, only to have a quick shower)

Street view from outside of the Emo’s venue.

Some of our incredible fans all dressed up in Angelspit gear!

Angelspit ink.

Our green room at Emo’s was an aluminium shed on the top of the venue which required a ladder to reach. It was kind of grotty and scary.

With my twitter pal Joansie and me in Houston.

SHOW_26-October 23 - Houston, TX - Meridian

Our rig backstage.

Houston skyline from the venue.

I had to get a photo with the in house lighting guy at Meridian. He had the greatest shaggy rock and roll mullet of ALL TIME.

SHOW_27-October 24 - New Orleans, LA - House Of Blues

View from tour bus in the morning.

Yarrr….

At the museum of pharmacy in New Orleans. The museum had vintage medical equipment and pharmaceutical supplies, basically it was my idea of a wet dream.

Amazing chalk drawn sign outside of the venue.

I really loved the craziness of the show listings outside of the venue.

Making a mess backstage with makeup and jewellery making supplies.

Zoog, Jenny (and her friend) and I. She rocks.

Being silly as always with the beautiful Kellie.

Tally of how many times different bands have played at this venue.

RANDOM CONVERSATION
Amelia: Oh look, Henry Rollins has played at this venue.
ZooG: Woah that’s cool… but wait Duran Duran has played here twice!

SHOW_28-October 25 - Atlanta, GA - Masquerade

Wearing my favourite Atusko Kudo latex Beret.

SHOW_29-October 26 - Chapel Hill, NC - The Cats Cradle

The tour buses.

Backstage.

Zoog, Iron Jeff and I rocking out at the merch booth.

Andy, looking classy in my glasses.

Andy & Duncan being a hilarious source of amusement as always.

SHOW_30-October 28 - Charlotte, NC - The Fillmore

The venue in Charlotte was huge and had pretty chandeliers.

Look! Megadeth and ANVIL both were playing at the Fillmore. Crazy stuff.

Outside of the venue.

Our obligatory pre-show photograph.

With super kawaii fans.

Look how good our hotpants look on this fan… yuummm…

With Andy partying after the show.

RECOLLECTION: After the show we were invited to a pretty random ‘official’ afterparty, which actually turned out to be a trendy club with a Halloween theme (think preppy girls in playboy bunny costumes). When we arrived, we sat down in a cluster of couches which were then cordoned off with velvet rope to make it into a ‘VIP’ area. As strange as it was, it was super fun.

SHOW_31-October 29 - Orlando, FL - The Firestone

RECOLLECTION: Florida has very hot and humid weather and can be disgustingly muggy at times. The venue didn’t have a space to put our merch booth, so they placed it in the smoking area outside, which was resplendent with bamboo decor. Jeff and I nearly died from heatstroke, but with enough redbull and vodka you stop caring.

There was a street called Amelia St near the venue… yay!

SHOW_32-October 30 - St. Petersburg, FL - The State Theatre

One of the first things I try to scope out in a new city are the best cafes and cupcake shops.

A crazy kitschy wig shop I stumbled upon a few blocks from the venue.

Backstage graffiti, as always entertaining. Note the Christian rock band stencil!

Our scary backstage area with a random ladder in the middle of it that reached up into the ceiling.

I was so pleased to finally meet Shelley (Dedgothgirl on ebay). We have been talking over the internet for probably 7 years now.

Rocking out with Carlo, our bus driver. He is the best bus driver ever.

SHOW_33-October 31 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room

Funny sign at the venue

Our last catering spread with the usual… bread, cold meats and sliced cheese.

With Carlo the bus driver on the last show of the tour.

With the goddess Lucia backstage.

A fan who drove over 12 hours to get to the show, complete with an Angelspit tattoo.

Girls of industrial rock… presenting Frightdoll & Experiment Haywire.

YAY! We made it through the tour! Meagan, Jacob and I after KMFDM had gone on stage for the last show.

Jules and I after the last show.

The A team: Zoog, Doc (our brilliant sound guy) and me!

IN ROCK WE TRUST! Yes.. the tour is over and we made it! Here we have Derek (front of house), Andy Selway, Jules, Zoog, Amelia, Meagan, Duncan and Steve White.

Thus concludes my little tour diary. I hope you all enjoyed this glimpse into some of the adventures that happen on a rock and roll tour… personally, I can’t wait to get back on the road and do it all again!

]]> http://destroyx.com/2010/01/15/kmfdm-vs-angelspit-tour-diary-part-3/feed/ http://destroyx.com/2010/01/12/style-division-hello-wolfgirl/ http://destroyx.com/2010/01/12/style-division-hello-wolfgirl/#comments Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:10:00 +0000 Destroyx http://destroyx.com/?p=800

I’ve always been fascinated by wolves and the tale of little red riding hood. So when I saw these Iron Fist Werewolf heels at Trash and Vaudeville a few weeks back, they called to me. However, they sat sad and unworn for a month or so as I couldn’t figure out what to wear with them.

The other day I found this barbaric fur scarf in the bargain bin at H&M for $3 and I knew I had found the perfect match for my wolf heels, as it seemed only appropriate to wear something a little feral to keep in with the spirit of the shoes.

Finally, the red touch of the sock garters, with the red chain bracelet and very red lips makes me think that a little bit of red riding hood finally got mixed in with the wolf.

Funny story: I was nearly finished doing my makeup when a ferocious drip of blood fell from my left nostril. The first thing I thought was, ‘wow, that crimson is such a great colour, it really matches my makeup’. Half an hour later after my nosebleed had subsided, I instantly regretted not taking the photos with the nosebleed, as I think it could have added a sinister overtone to the images. I’ll keep the concept in mind for future shoots though!

Crest necklace and red chain bracelet: Miss X Jewellery Division (available at at Black Pill Red Pill & Etsy)
Dress: H&M
Werewolf Shoes: Iron fist
Fur scarf: H&M
Red sock garters: Patricia Field
Black socks: The Sock Man
Fingerless leather gloves: Mimco

P.s. For those of you who are interested in the history of the little red riding hood tale and reading various permutations of it over the years, check out this book by Jack Zipes, it’s a great read.

Wearing the Baroque Crest Necklace

With great trepidation I am proud to announce the launching of my debut range for the jewellery division of Miss X Aesthetic Laboratories. Drawing inspiration from my obsession with medical imagery with an injection of pop culture, the collection forms a bridge between my practice as a graphic and fashion designer.

Each piece has been laser cut from high quality perspex (at my university in Australia!) and has been hand assembled with the finest quality chain and findings.

The line is currently available on Black Pill Red Pill and Etsy.com and will hopefully be coming to a few physical stores in the coming months. I am also currently working on a standalone Miss X brand website, but it won’t be ready for a few weeks.

Below I have included images of a selection of the range, but please check out the online shops for the full collection. Please subscribe to the Miss X newsletter for updates on the range and upcoming special deals.

Available from Black Pill Red Pill and Etsy.com

SHOW_18-October 14 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom

In Portland, I had the pleasure of meeting my evil twin Nubby Twiglet. I have been a great admirer of Nubby’s blog, design work and fashion sense for ages so I was so happy that she came down to the show for some rock and roll action. For those of you who were wondering, no we didn’t plan our outfits to match in advance, but I think we both knew it was going to happen.

SHOW_19-October 15 - San Francisco, CA - The Grand

Zoog at soundcheck. The venue was a super amazing hall with chandeliers.

I was really happy that Star was able to come to the show, it was awesome to meet her in real life. In case you didn’t know, Star is a talented illustrator, designer, musician, blogger & jewellery designer.

I also got to meet another internet buddy Shrinkle in San Francisco and she’s super amazing to behold in real life. She’s a bundle of fun energy. Also her boy Kevin is a lovely guy and a ridiculously talented designer.

Diner stop after the show.

SHOW_20-October 16 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia

Our tour buses were the two on the left. The two on the right were Jamie Fox’s tour buses. I wanted to swap our green/beige tour bus for the red one.

Zoog found a Michael Jackson memorial wall near the Nokia Theatre and wrote a thank you message to him.

Zoog lounging around inside our tour bus. Our bus was called the ‘Zeus’ and had a kitschy Greco-Roman theme for its interior decoration.

The roof of our bus was mirrored and had LED strip lighting. Super tacky!

For once we got our full rider (coke zero, red bull and water) so I had to document it.

Our day sheet for LA.

Shrinkle had to de-robe backstage because she was having issues with her underwear.

Shrinkle and I exchange makeup (she is launching a range soon called Sugarpill) and Lumi is looking cute.

We are trying to be super kawaii here and ‘asian’. I think we fail.

Making a huge mess backstage while getting ready.

Our greenroom in LA, resplendent with zebra print rugs, which I thought was very ‘LA’

One of our biggest fans surprised us by flying all of the way from London to be at our LA show. Gareth is nuts.

After show diner fix.

Shrinkle, Lumi and I all thought it was a good idea to remove our false eyelashes and fake hair at the diner.

SHOW_21-October 17 - Pomona, CA - The Glasshouse

We visited the best modular synth store called Noise Bug. Zoog went on a shopping spree.

Zoog taking a moment backstage, while Jules shaves Andy’s mohawk into submission.

Iron Jeff at the merch stand.

STORY: We played a few shows with a great gothic rock band called Legion Within. Their lead singer William was rocking out on stage when he jumped into the crowd and landed badly on his ankle. He finished the rest of the set in a lot of pain, but still managed to BRING THE ROCK! Afterwards his ankle swelled up considerably, but everyone seemed to think that he had just sprained his ankle. We found out a few days later that the ankle was actually fractured. He managed to finish the tour in style with a cane on stage.

LESSON: See a doctor immediately for any kind of rock and roll related trauma, or you will pay for it down the road. Also, don’t listen to people that say ‘if you can move it… it’s not broken.’

SHOW_22-October 18 - San Diego, CA - House Of Blues

Backstage in San Diego

Me with Jessica, the manager for Legion Within. She was amazing enough to help us vend merch at a few shows. She was so awesome.

Here I am with William the lead singer from Legion Within. He is made of rock!

DAY OFF - October 18 - Las Cruces

One of the weirder places to eat in Las Cruces. Here you could get ‘Hamburgers, Breakfast, Mexican Food’ AND ‘Donuts Drive Thru.’ Score.

RECOLLECTION: Days off are always welcome on tour, especially if you’ve done 7 shows back to back. We had a break in a small town called Las Cruces where there wasn’t much to do other than go on a Walmart shopping spree and then head over to Applebees for a fine serving of American cuisine.

SHOW_23-October 19 - Phoenix, AZ - The Marquee

RANDOM CONVERSATION:
Kaptain K: Your makeup looks interesting today.
Amelia: Yeah? Why’s that?
Kaptain K: Your eyelash things make it look like you have flies on your face.
Amelia: Yup, that’s the look I was going for.

With Zombie, one of our most ardent supporters.

Zombie’s Angelspit tattoo.

KMFDM rocking out under the watchful eye of Duncan the stage manager.

SHOW_24-October 21 - Dallas, TX - The Granada

RECOLLECTION: When we arrived in Dallas it was pouring rain, which was not the kind of weather I was expecting in Texas. Even the people at the venue and at the show were confused by the rain and were walking around with big jackets on. It rained so hard that our tour bus sprung a leak.

RECOLLECTION: The Granada theatre was a beautiful historical venue that used to be a cinema but has now been converted into a retro rock and roll venue. The only downside to this was that the stage had a slope to it which meant that all of the gear that was on wheels kept rolling off the stage.

Iron Jeff and I at the merch stand of doom.

Seafood restaurant I wanted to eat at in Dallas… but alas, we had strange catering instead.

RANDOM CONVERSATION:
Jules: (to Amelia) Let me try your glasses on. (Puts them on) Woah… I can’t see a thing… what’s the point of drinking when I can just wear your glasses and get the same effect?
Andy: Oh oh… let me try.

Andy decided to give the glasses a go too.

It would seem some of you were pretty bad children this year, considering I noticed a trend of people receiving coal (which I have only just found out is what you give children that were ‘naughty’ during the year). I have to say I had a really good laugh reading all your tales, so thank you all for the entertainment.

Above: My plush toy family at X-mas with my stash of presents (which was entirely comprised of chocolate and biscuits as we were on a tight budget, but it was fun to have something to unwrap anyway!)

The grand prize winner goes to Lady Ktana for her story below:

Oh dear, I never thought I’d ever tell someone about this. Thank you for making my embarrassment worth something.

Once upon a time I was a very…sheltered…child. My family was always careful of what they spoke of around me. They never swore (even “ass” was frowned upon) and anything sexual was completely out of the question. My Nana (great grandmother) even stopped speaking to me for several weeks when I said “Oh, shit!” after dropping a chair on my foot. They were very serious about having a “clean mouth”. Needless to say I grew up with very, very conservative relatives.

Christmas of my eighteenth year everything was going as usual: We’d gathered at 4pm, eaten at 6 and were gathering to open presents when my family, with perfectly solemn faces, decided to give me “the talk”. Yes. They waited until Christmas to do this, so they could all “be there for me” as they did it. So my Nana, my grandmother, my sickly aunt and my schizophrenic uncle all sat their staring as they told me about STI’S (which were STD’s at the time), pregnancy, parenthood, and (thanks to my Uncle) going to hell for premarital sex. 
Being 18, and having been with the same guy for over 2 years I was stunned, horrified and completely ashamed.
This was until I opened my first present.

Now, my family has an amazing sense of humor. It’s simple. Embarrass Ktana to no end and laugh at her when she thinks everyone is serious being serious.

My Aunt bought me black lace booty shorts.
My Uncle bought me a vibrating tongue ring.
My Grandmother bought me a see through bra and negligee…
Best of all…My Nana bought me a dainty, elegant, purple dildo.

After each present they laughed at the look on my face and took pictures. I was blushing for the first gift and looked like a sunburned lobster by the last. They’ve hidden the pictures in a suitcase under my Nana’s bed so I won’t burn them and so when I have kids and they turn 18 they can torment them as well.
My new bf has not, and will not be told. Not EVER…
Since then my family’s “clean mouth” rule has fallen apart. My Nana even told me to “Get the fuck out of my kitchen”…0_0 I almost had a heart attack.

All my embarrassment hopefully left you laughing…or maybe as shocked as I was…

I will be giving out three smaller consolation prizes to the following two entries:

Entry from Kari:

I probably received my most funny/bizarre Christmas present this year: my boyfriend handed my a black box with a red ribbon, with silver medieval styled writing saying ‘The blackest Christmas present for the most brutal of all girlfriends’. When I opened it, all it contained was the glittery and bloody red word ‘NOTHING’. I can’t remember the last time I was so pleasantly surprised oddly enough…
A few pictures here & here.

Entry from Nicole:

My friend Natasha embraces all things sex-related, and is unapologetic and unashamed to do so. She doesn’t impose her galavanting ways upon anyone, but be prepared to endure the topic if you have the audacity to initiate a conversation with her. She’s very sweet and charming, so most people don’t mind…surprisingly.

Anyway, Natasha spent Christmas of 2007 with my family and me. After all the wrapped gifts had been presented and opened, Natasha gently grabbed my hand and led me to my bedroom. She whispered that she had made me a present. Upon returning to my room, she grabs her overnight bag, retrieves an elliptical-shaped gift, and places it on my bed.

As soon as I began to unwrap the present, it starting vibrating! We both laughed hysterically. When the final shreds of paper had been torn away, a plush, vibrating vagina was revealed. She even sewed on black felt for the pubic hair! “Flip it over!” she told me, grinning like a cheshire cat. On the back of the toy, I found a zipper. I opened it and pulled out a red and green, vibrating dildo she had stuffed inside of her homemade snatch. HA HA!!! 
Nobody but Natasha and I know about it. I have it tucked away in a drawer, under lock and key. I love it and my dear Natasha, but her sex-crazed gift definitely takes the cake as the most peculiar present I’ve ever gotten.

Here are some entries that I also enjoyed.

Entry from Cara:

Well I’m not sure if this counts since it wasn’t my gift but my boyfriend told me a story this year…
He has a crazy aunt and one year she got him a stick of deodorant. When he opened it to see what it smelled like, there was a single hair on it. He ended up throwing it in the air and the whole family laughs about it to this day.

Entry from Ashe Mischief:

**Note: this comment is NOT a stab against those who are Christian or those who religious, or intended to offend them. But I classify myself as Agnostic, and my family has been fine with this since I was a very young teenager.

One year, for Christmas, I received what looked like a book from my Grandparents. The side was torn a bit, but I could see gold foil through it. I couldn’t believe it, but my grandparents had sent me, at age 20, a Bible. That wasn’t all! They included, mixed along the pages, two $10 bills to make sure that I opened the Bible (and a 3 page long letter about how I should worship and respect my mother, which I was very good about doing).

Entry from Marcus:

My uncle (67) loves to cut things from wood so this year he decided to give 4 members of our family a “gift” from wood.

My aunt got pair of something you could call Dogs doing babies.
My sister got Turtle with 10cm long penis.
My girlfriend got kind of “Double-Dildo”.
And I got a 1 meter long penis(complete with balls etc.) that looks like totem.

My aunt almost got heart-attack from seeing that. Uncle then commented it “Well, take my advice, Yours wont function forever so I gave you a new better one that is always hard”.

So now whenever visitors come to visit me they see that huge penis in living room, funny that none of them asked where i got it…

Entry from Choco:

I have a perfect story. This year, my mom wanted to give me something under the tree to replace my backordered gift that wouldn’t be here until after Christmas. So she picked coal. Literally, a bucket of coal. XD 
That would’ve been funny enough, but she had to make it a nice bucket. A wrapped bucket, with a bow, filled to the brim with coal. We’re talking $30 bucks and maybe a half hour worth of effort all so she could give me coal for Christmas. I almost died laughing on Christmas morning, everyone was opening their presents and I just sat there with my bucket of coal.

Entry from Charvelle: (This entry reminded me of something eerily similar that happened to Angelspit on tour once!)

This just happened this holiday break. My mom, dad, and I were traveling down to Florida from Ohio, which takes roughly 20 hours to get there. Or at least it SHOULD have. 
Apparently, several trucks had jackknifed miles ahead of us on a turnpike highway, so everyone, hundreds of cars, were forced to a complete stop. After the first hour or so, I heard the tune of “Silent Night.” Looking behind me, I discovered there were CAROLERS. A group of girls had gotten out of their car, and were walking and singing down the highway. It was all fun and games in the first few hours. Soon, it was very late, and we had turned off out motor to preserve fuel, because god knows how much longer we could be stuck there. I could barely feel my feet and there was nothing to do but sleep, or watch the snow fall outside my small window.

It was snowing nonstop, and disappointingly, we were still in the same godforsaken place as we were the night before. We could hear children crying and screaming, becoming restless. Luckily, my car had food and water, while I’m sure many cars had nothing, and no way to keep themselves warm, lest they run out of fuel.

At this point, I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in about 20 hours. I was quiet about it at first, because I just didn’t want to think about it, and that we could start moving “any minute now.” A couple hours later, I woke up, and I could think of nothing but how much I had to pee. It was painful XD

This next part may be disturbing, but it’s 100% the truth. We had an empty Pringles can, and I had a mission. I promptly forced my dad to take a walk outside; it would have been very awkward otherwise. Since I was desperate enough, I pissed in the freaking can. It’s a bit harder when you’re a girl >__< 
After my dad came back from the walk, he commented on how many patches of yellow snow he saw.

After 20 HOURS, we were finally moving again. We were glad the turnpike didn’t make us pay (mom: aw hell no, they better not take our money). We waited another 3 hours to get gas from this small, country town that had never seen so many cars or people in once place (or so a local had told me). Thereafter, we were moving out of the congestion, and on our way toward the promise land. 
I almost went mad in those 20 hours.

Entry from Breana:

I think the weirdest gift I’ve received this Christmas was from my best friend.
I’m always complaining about the lack of toilet paper and hand sanitizer in my school toilets. My school toilets are feral so it is always a traumatic experience, you are lucky to find a toilet that hasn’t got piss everywhere, or itching powder, or some other nasty substance. I’m also complaining about not having money for lunch.

My best friend took my complaints to heart and for Christmas I received a toilet paper roll, paper toilet seat covers and a 12 pack of Detol hand sanitizers. And for my not having enough money for lunch? She unwrapped the toilet paper, completely, and at random intervals she taped $100 in small change.
It was seriously the most fun I’d ever had unwrapping toilet paper, and it was my favorite present I received. Best friends really know how to brighten your day :)