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Destroy-x-mas Competition!
By Destroyx | December 26, 2009
First I will talk about something slightly unpleasant… and then something super fun!
Recently, it has come to my attention that someone for whatever reason decided to impersonate me on one of my older blog posts and decided to run a ‘Hideous and Perfect’ competition in the comments section in my absence. (I have since removed the post to avoid confusion). I was not keeping track of the comments on older blog posts, and consequently didn’t find out about the competition until I received emails from 10 different people who all sent me their mailing addresses to send their prizes out to. (For future reference, I will never run a competition in the comments section of any blog post and will always post it as a featured post.)
I do apologize for any confusion and disappointment that this incident may have caused. However, I don’t want to turn it into a huge drama and instead want to turn it into a positive. I was planning to run a competition in the near future, but this has just made me run it a little earlier than scheduled. Although I can’t give out 10 prizes this time, I hope that everyone who entered the other fake competition still has fun in entering this one.
So… without further ado…
Enter the Merry Destroy-x-mas Competition
To win a hamper of evil delight filled with Miss X Cosmetics and brand new Angelspit merch, describe the weirdest, funniest or most bizarre X-mas present you’ve ever received or given OR describe an amusing X-mas/holiday themed outing or experience.
I’m going to pick my favorite entries and will announce the winner or winners on the 1st of January 2010 in a blog post (not in the comments section).
Above: Some items that might appear in the prize pack.
Write your entry in the comments section of this entry making sure you leave your email address so that I can contact you if you win.
Topics: Competition, Destroyx.com |
December 26th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
The funniest Christmas gift I gave was this year, I got a 6 pack of Monty Python Holy Grail Ale for a friend, who happens to not celebrate Christmas… so to give it as a gift on Christmas, I took all the bottles out, put them in paper bags, proper boozehound style, put them back into the container, then wrapped the entire thing in cheap, slightly worn/damaged brown packaging paper, and wrote “Fragile (Italian)” on the outside.
December 26th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Yes, I’m a guy, but I/my significant other are huge fans- and this would make an *amazing* gift for her for new years- thus, I share my sad story. =p
Once, I got a lump of coal. Literally.
Alternatively, due to my birthday being on the 17th of December, I get screwed when people give me money- I have to spend it all on presents for others. Thus, usually, my gift is a combination of Birthday and Christmas “money” on the 17th- so I rarely get to open anything on Christmas, and end up spending everything on family gifts.
Or I get a semi-decent guilt trip.
And by Christmas I mean New Year’s- I’m still following my European traditions (though I like in CA now). So our “Christmas” is being celebrated on the 31st/1st of Dec/Jan. Just wrote “Christmas” to avoid confusion =]
Depress me more with this competition? lol
Rock!!
-Nikk F.
December 26th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Once I gave my friend/then-roommate a Ted Bundy-themed Christmas card I found on Etsy. It had a picture of Ted in a Santa hat and a rhyme that went like this:
Oh you better watch out
If you see this guy
He’ll rip out your tongue
And gouge out your eye
Ted Bundy is coming to town.
Oh if he catches you
You’ll do more than cry
There’s no time to pout
You’re going to die
Ted Bundy is coming to town.
He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows what kind of bra you wear
And your neck he’s gonna break
Oh he’ll bludgeon your skull
He’ll laugh as you suffer
He’ll use your entrails
As his stocking stuffer
Ted Bundy is coming to town.
Haha. She liked it, though.
December 26th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
My father-in-law keeps giving the most interesting head scratching gifts to me. Two years ago I got bootie slippers from in a navy blue that could only be described as granny slippers. Last year he tried to do better and I got a $25 gift card to Red Lobster (much better but I’m allergic to shellfish, and thus shy away from any and all seafoods…luckily we learned we could use it at another establishment!). This year we finally had success, my dear husband TOLD him exactly where to purchase a gift card and I got a bottle of red wine. Score….finally got it perfect!
December 26th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
**Note: this comment is NOT a stab against those who are Christian or those who religious, or intended to offend them. But I classify myself as Agnostic, and my family has been fine with this since I was a very young teenager.
One year, for Christmas, I received what looked like a book from my Grandparents. The side was torn a bit, but I could see gold foil through it. I couldn’t believe it, but my grandparents had sent me, at age 20, a Bible. That wasn’t all! They included, mixed along the pages, two $10 bills to make sure that I opened the Bible (and a 3 page long letter about how I should worship and respect my mother, which I was very good about doing).
December 26th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
When my brother was 12, I gave him a giant rubber duck, and he hates it. He blew it up with gasoline in the backyard.
He just turned 18, and throughout the years I’ve given him 12 different rubber ducks, for his birthday and Christmas!
So far he’s got a pink duck, punk duck, blue duck, silver duck, Xmas duck and so many more I can’t remember…
He laughs so much whenever he finds the duck-shaped gift under the tree. It’s still funny, 6 years on.
December 27th, 2009 at 12:18 am
Once Christmas when I’d just started dating a Jehovah’s Witness and didn’t know much about it, I’d bought his whole family a Christian calender which they found very blasphemous.
Funniest present I ever got was a pamphlet on coal mining and a letter from my dad, apologizing about not being able to get me coal as natural resources are getting quite expensive & the world economy isn’t great - got that last year. I still have the coal ^_^
December 27th, 2009 at 12:20 am
I suppose that the most funny gifts that I have gotten anyone would be this year. They were for my parental units. My mom recieving a book called the “Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Extreme Edition”, which was filled with odd things that she will hopefully never have to experience. Including; How to survive on a snowy cliff, how to clean and eat a squirrel, and what liquids are safe to drink while trapped in a desert.
My step dad, being the ‘eyes glued to the computer screen’ person that he is, recieved a book titled “Go Tweet Yourself” a book with short blurbs of stupid things people say on Twitter, Facebook and Myspace updates.
Both have said to enjoyed their presents, and look foward to the nest sarcastic or awkward books I find them for next holidays.
P.S.: Recieved your Miss-X make-up bargain-y thing. Can’t wait to play with my new pretty brushes! :D
December 27th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Last year I gave my brother a sling-shot catapolt gun that fired pigs. Thinking this was hilarious I thought he would enjoy the gift since he spends a lot of time a the computer and it was desk-top sized. He then lit the little pig on fire and posted the video on youtube!! So I guess its the gift that keeps on giving because year round it just makes everyone laugh.
this is a link to that video. http://www.youtube.com/user/PrivateFlecherd#p/u/22/ryOLl9zja1s
December 27th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Well, Actually I am not very good at descriptive writing but being male and therefore not getting make-up for christmas and in dire need of it I thought that it would be a neccessity for me to try to attempt to win this competition.
I personally think the most amazing (yet, weird ofcourse) thing I got for Christmas was a lump of fossilised dinosaur poo. My Mum knowing how obsessed I was with anything ‘paleontological’ at the time decided to impress me via buying me a book on dinosaurs. Yet, at the time she didn’t bother to observe the fact that the book was actually on the feaces of dinosaurs and not dinosaurs themselves (Poor things!).
But anyway, the book came with a lump of fossilised dinosaur poo, it didn’t smell at all like real poo but anyway. The more unusual thing is that the specimen was actually eaten by my dog, which does not really add anything exciting to the story, but oh well.
I have yet recieved for christmas anything which I actually can use on my face, so please, please consider me for the Prize :P :P :P
Mwah!
December 27th, 2009 at 12:59 am
My brother once strangely received a small tin with coal inside from my mother. She thought it was candy. Once he opened it, he thought otherwise.
So what did she do?
She made my brother eat a little of it.
We could all tell from his grimacing and gagging that it wasn’t the candy she thought it was. The funny thing is, she really did buy it in the candy department of a store, so I guess it was an understandable mistake…
But I mean, who would sell pieces of real coal in a grocery store??
December 27th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Oh dear, I never thought I’d ever tell someone about this. Thank you for making my embarrassment worth something.
Once upon a time I was a very…sheltered…child. My family was always careful of what they spoke of around me. They never swore (even “ass” was frowned upon) and anything sexual was completely out of the question. My Nana (great grandmother) even stopped speaking to me for several weeks when I said “Oh, shit!” after dropping a chair on my foot. They were very serious about having a “clean mouth”. Needless to say I grew up with very, very conservative relatives.
Christmas of my eighteenth year everything was going as usual: We’d gathered at 4pm, eaten at 6 and were gathering to open presents when my family, with perfectly solemn faces, decided to give me “the talk”. Yes. They waited until Christmas to do this, so they could all “be there for me” as they did it. So my Nana, my grandmother, my sickly aunt and my schizophrenic uncle all sat their staring as they told me about STI’S (which were STD’s at the time), pregnancy, parenthood, and (thanks to my Uncle) going to hell for premarital sex.
Being 18, and having been with the same guy for over 2 years I was stunned, horrified and completely ashamed.
This was until I opened my first present.
Now, my family has an amazing sense of humor. It’s simple. Embarrass Ktana to no end and laugh at her when she thinks everyone is serious being serious.
My Aunt bought me black lace booty shorts.
My Uncle bought me a vibrating tongue ring.
My Grandmother bought me a see through bra and negligee…
Best of all…My Nana bought me a dainty, elegant, purple dildo.
After each present they laughed at the look on my face and took pictures. I was blushing for the first gift and looked like a sunburned lobster by the last. They’ve hidden the pictures in a suitcase under my Nana’s bed so I won’t burn them and so when I have kids and they turn 18 they can torment them as well.
My new bf has not, and will not be told. Not EVER…
Since then my family’s “clean mouth” rule has fallen apart. My Nana even told me to “Get the fuck out of my kitchen”…0_0 I almost had a heart attack.
All my embarrassment hopefully left you laughing…or maybe as shocked as I was…
December 27th, 2009 at 1:34 am
My grandparents always go out of their way to buy us gifts. Which, normally end up in disaster. Last year I received what only can be described as kitten hell on a coin purse? A small handbag, covered in pictures of cats, which was so small that it would only fit some coins. Cat accessories can be cute, they can be amazing. But this, this was hideous. The creatures on this purse were not normal, not belonging to this world. I think, cheap production can only be blamed for the morphed cat features that were on this purse!
The worst part of this gift was having to pretend to like it, their excited faces. They purely thought they bought me an amazing gift that “suited me” Somehow I think otherwise :l
December 27th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Okay so it wasn’t MY present - but here I was leaving this post open on my Mac until I could think of a good entry for the competition cos by DAMN i wanna win some makeup.
So in the meantime, the boyfriend and I decide to clean out the garage. We’ve got a huge pile of shit that needs to go into the recycling bin. Note - we live in a block of 17 apartments so we share bins with the neighbours.
Oh what do we spy sitting on top of the pile of stuff in one of the recycling bins????
A “Pet Pussy” false vagina with a ‘try me, buy me’ feely spot!!!!
What. The. FUCK????
Someone’s unwanted Christmas present? A misdirected joke? A joke on all other dwellers in our block? Surely leaving such a thing in full view can’t be for real???
But…..
the pussy is *gone*………
(no joke - this JUST happened!!!)
LULZ x1000!!!
December 27th, 2009 at 2:20 am
Since I don’t celebrate x-mas and loath anything to do with it, I don’t have to many funny x-mas stories. I do, however, celebrate an alternate holiday on the 25th instead of x-mas. That holiday is SQUIDFEST, which is confusing to most people and therefore entirely entertaining.
It has become a tradition that on the Squidfest, one of my friends throws an “Orphan X-mash Bash” that I attend. Last year, I decided that I wanted to dress as the crazy aunt of the orphan family, so I put on an outfit that included a dress with *HUGE* puffy 80’s style silver leopard print sleeves, and a werewolf fake fur. I then proceeded to get smashed, somehow flashed some boob for pictures (as is also the tradition!) and made a fool out of myself, crazy-aunt style.
It was so ridiculous and silly, but it was FUN and sure beat the hell out of hanging around in an x-mas sweater listening to x-mas songs.
Oh and one more thing that is also hilarious about my non x-mas holidays: My apartment is above an X-mas store. Yes, 365 days of x-mas…!!
December 27th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Well these might count as weird, or just lulz.
Me and another friend once collab-ed for a gift to another friend.
We bought a set of tighty-whities ( underwear ) from Tesco and then painted and wrote on em with fabric markers.
One pair said ” It’s A JUNGLE in here ” and had Wednesday writted on the label. xD
The other pair said ” CRABS in here ” and had tiny crabs drawn on the inside.
oh i forgot to add.. We did the drawing and painting in Starbucks right outside the hotel- Where the waiters peeked at us nonstop cos we couldn’t stop giggling xD
but the stupidity doesn’t end there ~
To wrap up the gifts we bought two apple pies from McDonalds and gobbled them down FAST and put one in each box.
yes, we boxed them up at the McD ordering counter and got glares from the manager that night xD
Not only did the undies look good. They smelled apple-pastry-ish and our friend wore them the whole night on top of his pants. xD
December 27th, 2009 at 3:39 am
Unfortunately my stories are not as much fun as those above but I try my luck anyway.
My granny was sort of hooked on knitting wool socks so about 20 years in a row we (and I mean the whole family of ours: mum, dad, my brother, our aunt and her whole family) always got wool socks for christmas. You can imagine that as a teenager it wasn’t very much fun when expecting something more exciting. However now when I’m adult and she is passed away I am actually missing her wool socks. She also made those socks as a present for local war veterans, so you can imagine how much socks she knitted.
Most bizarre presents I usually get from my god sons, they are now 12 and 13. Last year I got some bolts and nuts glued together with hot melt glue. I have also recieved some odd lumps of art clay with no significant figure, papier mache stuff that mostly resembles a lump of paper and christmas decorations made of metal wire and plastic beads but can’t be hanged on a three. Rather cute but totally useless stuff =)
This year I recieved from my boyfriend a lovely book about vintage dresses, but unfortunately I already have that book. Last year I got from him latex skirt which was gone old and crumbled into tiny little pieces when I opened the package. I have to add that I have also recieved other perfect gifts (like a professional camera and gift voucher for lingerie shop) from him, so that no-one thinks what a lowsy boyfriend he is =)
December 27th, 2009 at 4:49 am
Well I’m not sure if this counts since it wasn’t my gift but my boyfriend told me a story this year…
He has a crazy aunt and one year she got him a stick of deodorant. When he opened it to see what it smelled like, there was a single hair on it. He ended up throwing it in the air and the whole family laughs about it to this day.
December 27th, 2009 at 4:55 am
im really uspet now. i was excited about that. stupid fucking phony. if i found out who that was….
anyway, i dont really have a funny story…except that recently i was at my boyfriends family christmas thing. theyre all really conservative and horrible. anyway, we were at a restuarant and santa came in for the table next to us. we could tell his suit was a little tight….but when he bent over to get presents from his sack..he flashed all thrity of us including several horrified children his massive santa crack. everyone went bright red and laughed..some tried to pretend it wasnt happening…ill never forget that event.
im really really pissed about the posters…i just wish there was something we could do. i was looking forward to that.
-Britt
December 27th, 2009 at 5:18 am
I probably recieved my most funny/bizarre Christmas present this year: my boyfriend handed my a black box with a red ribbon, with silver medieval styled writing saying ‘The blackest Christmas present for the most brutal of all girlfriends’. When I opened it, all it contained was the glittery and bloody red word ‘NOTHING’. I can’t remember the last time I was so pleasantly surprised oddly enough…
A few pictures:
http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs022.snc3/10939_355830950701_707405701_10136452_7091048_n.jpg
http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs022.snc3/10939_355830955701_707405701_10136453_403980_n.jpg
-Kari
December 27th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Okay, so this wasn’t MY present, but I guess it counts as a weird Christmas experience – it was definitely WEIRD, anyway.
This year, my little sister received some onesies that are striped, pink and purple, like the Cheshire Cat. She instantly put them on, and refused to take them off all day. Instead, she insisted on just sitting there, grinning madly, occasionally shouting ‘but we’re all mad here!’ in the middle of conversations.
My sister is fifteen, and I still have no idea what came over her.
December 27th, 2009 at 5:53 am
The wierdest/best xmas present I’ve sent was to my best friend. She’s really into like burlesque dancing (the whole pinup image etc.) so I bought her bright pink sequined nipple tassles. And gave them to her in the middle of starbucks… we got some vey odd glances as she held them on and tried to make them twirl….
And she gave me a toaster. I have a toaster, she got it for me because
1) it was £2
2) we went to a party, with the intention of making off with the toaster, and couldn’t find it. (it was actually right in front of us on the side while we were searching… you never think to look in the most obvious places!)
The fake post was annoying, sucks that someone would do that.
but more importantly, angelspit are coming to the UK!!!!! this makes everything AWESOME!!!!
x
December 27th, 2009 at 6:18 am
My friend Natasha embraces all things sex-related, and is unapologetic and unashamed to do so. She doesn’t impose her galavanting ways upon anyone, but be prepared to endure the topic if you have the audacity to initiate a conversation with her. She’s very sweet and charming, so most people don’t mind…surprisingly.
Anyway, Natasha spent Christmas of 2007 with my family and me. After all the wrapped gifts had been presented and opened, Natasha gently grabbed my hand and led me to my bedroom. She whispered that she had made me a present. Upon returning to my room, she grabs her overnight bag, retrieves an elliptical-shaped gift, and places it on my bed.
As soon as I began to unwrap the present, it starting vibrating! We both laughed hysterically. When the final shreds of paper had been torn away, a plush, vibrating vagina was revealed. She even sewed on black felt for the pubic hair! “Flip it over!” she told me, grinning like a cheshire cat. On the back of the toy, I found a zipper. I opened it and pulled out a red and green, vibrating dildo she had stuffed inside of her homemade snatch. HA HA!!!
Nobody but Natasha and I know about it. I have it tucked away in a drawer, under lock and key. I love it and my dear Natasha, but her sex-crazed gift definitely takes the cake as the most peculiar present I’ve ever gotten.
December 27th, 2009 at 7:04 am
My uncle (67) loves to cut things from wood so this year he decided to give 4 members of our family a “gift” from wood.
My aunt got pair of something you could call Dogs doing babies.
My sister got Turtle with 10cm long penis.
My girlfriend got kind of “Double-Dildo”.
And I got a 1 meter long penis(complete with balls etc.) that looks like totem. My aunt almost got heart-attack from seeing that. Uncle then commented it “Well, take my advice, Yours wont function forever so I gave you a new better one that is always hard”.
So now whenever visitors come to visit me they see that huge penis in living room, funny that none of them asked where i got it…
December 27th, 2009 at 8:04 am
For my birthday once this boy I didn’t know very well gave me a sock monkey covered in blood. I’m sure it was the thought that counted, and he thought I would love it, but the problem was the blood was very mysterious. It wasn’t fake blood, and I sure hoped it wasn’t real blood…it was just some strange in the middle stuff that had the consistency of dried mud in some areas. However, I thanked him nonetheless and then promptly threw Mr. Sock Monkey in the washer with some bleach when I got home. That was about 6 years ago and now Mr. Sock Monkey is hanging from a door handle covered in about 100 pins. [I like pins] I guess the gift was was a good one, yet still bizarre, in the end. ;)
December 27th, 2009 at 8:34 am
ok this is a quite old story. when i was younger i always wanted to have harry potter lego (i don’t know if you have this in australia, but you were in germany). i was totaly obsessed with it and wanted to own everything. so i told my whole family to buy it and just hp lego. my parents and first grandmother bought some hp lego and i was happy. then later we went to my second grandmother. she was kind of lazy so she didn’t buy the gift herself. so when i went there we got a lot of strange cake and after 5 hours with cake i got my gift. she was so proud of it. and i was totally shocked. her gift were small rubber powerrangers with some light. it was soooo ugly and just bad. i just smiled and said thank you, and she was sooo happy. these figures now lie somewhere i don’t know. but after this she isn’t allowed to buy gifts for me anymore.
greetings from germany and for my not so good english i’m sorry…..
December 27th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I have a perfect story. This year, my mom wanted to give me something under the tree to replace my backordered gift that wouldn’t be here untill after Christmas. So she picked coal. Literally, a bucket of coal. XD
That would’ve been funny enough, but she had to make it a nice bucket. A wrapped bucket, with a bow, filled to the brim with coal. We’re talking $30 bucks and maybe a half hour worth of effort all so she could give me coal for Christmas. I almost died laughing on Christmas morning, everyone was opening their presents and I just sat there with my bucket of coal.
December 27th, 2009 at 10:38 am
my story is really dull. for every chrismas i have been given toys,books,clothes,and other gifts from family members,that i accepted with a fake smile, i never liked the stuff i got for christmas and i currently have a pile of rubbish under my bed, and every xmas i add something new as i gaze at all the stupid gifts i got throughout my fucked up life,
santa is such a bastard!!
December 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Last year, while cleaning out my closet, I found a Furby that I’d been given a loooong time ago, one of those weird horrible robot toy things that reacts to light and movement by making ridiculous alien noises. I put in new batteries and discovered that it still worked, so I gave it to my friend for Christmas. He had been complaining that his roommate, well, let’s just say he didn’t understand the sock-on-doorknob rule, and my poor friend was so sick of walking in on him (their apartment has very good acoustics. hahahahaha)
Anyway, my friend and I spent like an hour figuring out the perfect spot near his roommate’s bed to put the Furby, so that it would wake up when it was knocked over. It apparently was a total success, although neither one of us was there to witness it. His roommate’s pretty good about giving a heads-up nowadays though lol.
December 27th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I’ve had some pretty spectacularly ‘not me’ presents thanks to the fact that my family live in Wales and I rarely get to visit them, they tend to just buy whatever is fashionable and hope I like. The best has to be the time my Grandma forgot I’ve been vegetarian for 10 years and got me a wool jumper, which I’m seriously allergic to, and a whole bunch of jelly, which isnt veggie. I have yet to figure out why on earth she thought jelly was a good christmas present lol.
December 27th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I guess the strangest thing I’ve ever received for christmas was a men’s skirt.. such a tartan skirt some wear in Scotland you know? I really don’t know what my mother was thinking I would do with that.. Or maybe she didn’t noticed it was a men’s skirt? Actually I liked that tartan style but I’d have preferred a girls skirt..really..
But well, I guess she learned from it.
December 27th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
My brother, who is just in his teenage years, decided last Christmas he wanted to grow out his hair. My parents let him, but then he never brushed it and it was always a mess.
So the past two years for Christmas, I’ve gotten my brother a hairbrush and put it in his stocking, in an attempt to try and get him to brush his hair.
It’s hilarious cause he gets so angry when he sees it. So, even if he doesn’t get the hint and brush his hair, me and my parents get a good laugh. :)
December 27th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
My mother is notorious for giving ridiculous gifts…probably because she has a weird sense of humor that even i don’t get.
Anyway, one christmas I received a trio of wtf kind of gifts, amongst which there were red and white light up-flashing “love” sleep pants and neon green half gloves with silver studs.
But the one that took the cake was a dancing/singing cow with giant red lips that sings “besa me! besa me mucho!!” which translates to “kiss me! kiss me a lot!!”
December 27th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Oh my… these stories are golden. Keep them coming please! It’s going to be hard for me to pick the winners!
December 28th, 2009 at 1:30 am
My friend sent me a framed pair of pheasant feet, along with parts of the pheasant skin interlaced with copper wire on a velvet background. It’s hanging in my hallway. Oddly enough, the pheasant present started a pretty good collection of dead bird feet. My cat has given me several.
December 28th, 2009 at 4:08 am
Hi,
Last year, me and a couple of friends have tried to do something new for chritsmas. We were tired of the same old, so we decided to do an ” Alice in Wonderland ” theme for christmas. We based on the horror game ” American McGee’s Alice ” rather than the original book, so that was really funny. We worked to recreate an atmosphere with mushrooms and flowers in paper. We were dressed with metal gear and worked a lot to do our costumes. For my part I was Alice, so I wore a simple blue robe dress with an apron stained with blood. I wore ribbons and a cameo with skulls. I also had a knife attached to my apron. That was an enjoyable christmas. We took a tea party, and after ” visited ” all our friends (those who were invited) to follow the history (Cheschire cat, the Jabberwock, the Mad Hatter, ect.)
P.S I’m sorry if I have a bad english, it’s not my mother tongue =X
December 28th, 2009 at 10:34 am
This just happened this holiday break. My mom, dad, and I were traveling down to Florida from Ohio, which takes roughly 20 hours to get there. Or at least it SHOULD have.
Apparently, several trucks had jackknifed miles ahead of us on a turnpike highway, so everyone, hundreds of cars, were forced to a complete stop. After the first hour or so, I heard the tune of “Silent Night.” Looking behind me, I discovered there were CAROLERS. A group of girls had gotten out of their car, and were walking and singing down the highway. It was all fun and games in the first few hours. Soon, it was very late, and we had turned off out motor to preserve fuel, because god knows how much longer we could be stuck there. I could barely feel my feet and there was nothing to do but sleep, or watch the snow fall outside my small window.
It was snowing nonstop, and disappointingly, we were still in the same godforsaken place as we were the night before. We could hear children crying and screaming, becoming restless. Luckily, my car had food and water, while I’m sure many cars had nothing, and no way to keep themselves warm, lest they run out of fuel.
At this point, I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in about 20 hours. I was quiet about it at first, because I just didn’t want to think about it, and that we could start moving “any minute now.” A couple hours later, I woke up, and I could think of nothing but how much I had to pee. It was painful XD
This next part may be disturbing, but it’s 100% the truth. We had an empty Pringles can, and I had a mission. I promptly forced my dad to take a walk outside; it would have been very awkward otherwise. Since I was desperate enough, I pissed in the freaking can. It’s a bit harder when you’re a girl >__<
After my dad came back from the walk, he commented on how many patches of yellow snow he saw.
After 20 HOURS, we were finally moving again. We were glad the turnpike didn’t make us pay (mom: aw hell no, they better not take our money). We waited another 3 hours to get gas from this small, country town that had never seen so many cars or people in once place (or so a local had told me). Thereafter, we were moving out of the congestion, and on our way toward the promise land.
I almost went mad in those 20 hours.
December 28th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Oh, we were supposed to leave our email, right?
varia@placidd.net XD idk if it was supposed to be posted here, but whatever XP
December 28th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Well i’m not fortunate to have an abundance of weird stuff happen to me but one christmas, when I was about 14, i was opening presents at my mum’s house. I was opening a huge present from a good family friend but once I did, I wasn’t quite sure what it was. We flipped it over and spread it out only to discover that they had given a huge foam puzzle of a fish. Everyone was kinda like…..umm is this a joke? It was clearly a present meant for kids like 5 and under so I was quite insulted. I simply wrapped it up and gave it rite back to them lol.
December 28th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
My story seems quite lame in comparison to some of those here, but I amused myself, and often that is all that matters.
My sister-in-law is extraordinarily hard to shop for and every year finds me harassing her into telling me something she wants that I can buy her. This year she told me she wanted a unicorn with yellow and orange spots, rainbow wings and purple hair.
Unfortunately, I could not find said unicorn, and could not think of anything else to get her so I got a small plush unicorn that did not fit the criteria at all. I then cut out orange and yellow circles from construction paper and taped them to the unicorn I did buy.
The wings and hair colour also did not match her wishes, so I made a letter to go with the unicorn that said that unicorns with rainbow wings were very rare and thus not available for sale. And that the young unicorn she had actually did have purple hair but was going through a slightly rebellious period in his young life and had dyed all his hair blue.
December 28th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Imagine the slippers pictured (linked in my name), but red, and, instead of a Hello Kitty graphic, some Clip Art-esque holly leaves. That is what I recieved from my grandmother this Christmas, although why, I am at a loss to explain. I don’t believe I am the type of girl who looks like she would use those (seriously, fluffy thong slippers?! Who knew?). When I unwrapped it, I just sat there and stared, somewhat dumbfounded.
The thing was, I found it so adorable in her misguidance that I resolved to keep them and wear them around for the lulz. Unfortunately, one of my cats would literally puff up and hiss at them every time she caught sight of them (she’s not a cat who scares easily, either), so they were re-gifted to a charity. Two weeks later, I’m still laughing at that.
December 28th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
I usually don’t give out or receiver odd or funny gifts, but I do recall back in 7th or 8th grade giving my friends card with a penny taped inside it. They all asked me why and wtf stuff, all I could say was I dunno. Yea, fail. XD
December 29th, 2009 at 3:16 am
This year my mother gave me a tiny tape measure. “I thought you could keep it in your handbag,” she said.
For what, though?
I also received a six-pack of cheap superglue.
December 29th, 2009 at 7:16 am
I guess that would have to be the gift I got from my boyfriend this year (as a joke sort of gift) - that would be a book called “The Industrial Vagina” which he always teases me that I have, since I am always ready for sex.
December 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Christmas for me is almost always a mix of sad and funny. For the last several years I have received bad news on Christmas. This year it was that my one uncle went back into the hospital on Christmas day for cancer and will not be coming back. Last year my grandmother died on Christmas morning and a couple of years before that my cat died on Christmas.
OK, enough of the sad. Now it is time for the funny. For the last couple of years my family has done something a bit different for gifts. Instead of buying several gifts for each person we now play a game where each person buys one gift spending no more than $20. The gift can be anything and is not meant for anyone in particular. Numbers are drawn and we then go in order from highest to lowest and select a gift to unwrap. If you don’t like the gift you opened then you get to trade with someone else who opened their gift before you and they can’t say anything about it so could always end up with the gift you bought.
Anyway my father is one of the worst gift buyers of all time. shopping with him is always embarrassing. This year he decided that he would shop at the dollar store and purchase 20 items for his gift. One of those 20 items was the basket that all of the other items were in. This little basket of joy included such wonderful items like a pack of combs, an old Flash Gordon DVD, a book, a pack of super glue, a stress ball thingy and even a netted laundry bag but the strangest thing out of all the items in this basket of delight was a can of bacon. The can was the same shape as a can of Spam but it had bacon in it. I’m not sure exactly what my dad was thinking when he chose these items but it definitely got the family laughing and placing bets on who would eat the canned bacon first.
December 29th, 2009 at 10:18 am
My funniest christmas present was from my best friend last year
She got me a card which said “I know that it’s the thought that counts, so I thought you a diamond necklace for Christmas. If this works, I’ll think you up some matching earrings next year”
I think that’s quite simply one of the best presents ever! I’ve still got it, and a year on it still makes me laugh!
She wrote inside it that she did intend to make me a present, a huge drawing of HIM in charcoal which she hadn’t finished yet - funnily enough, I’m still waiting!
Also, anoter brilliant present was a tube of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans! They were from a friend who’d written on the card ‘I couldn’t get you Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, I hope these will do!’ in referance to our Harry Potter Themed School Christmas Panto Film in which I had run into a cafe and asked a bemused cashier overenthusiastically if they sold Bertie Bott’s - while wearing a Harry Potter robe and carrying a trunk labelled ‘Hogwarts’. She shook her head, rather confused and said they sold KitKats =D
That was a classic Christmas moment for me!!
xx
December 29th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
My family has a tradition where we gather the extended family on my dads side on boxing day for secret Santa.
However I have a cousin who usually cannot come because she lives in Australia. This Boxing day was special because she spent the money to fly to Canada for the holidays. When it was her fathers turn to open his present I was very intrigued as to what it was, because the box was huge. While he was opening it my cousin jumps out of the box and says hi dad. It was very unexpected, she nearly gave him and I a heart attack. Best Christmas ever.
- Aaron Hallink
December 29th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I got a stocking stuffer of condoms this year… lol
December 30th, 2009 at 2:41 am
True Story:
My ex from years gone by got me the most touching gift I could have dreamed of.
A switchblade.
Why, you ask?
So he wouldn’t have to walk me home at night!!!!!
It was a huge CHRISTMAS FAIL!
Needless to say, this is one of the stories I tell when people ask me why I dumped his sorry ass! hahaha!
December 30th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Once I found a gift rectangle shaped gift under the Christmas tree (this happened on 2005 I think), I looked at it and remembered I gave it to myself (I don’t know why :S) and opened it. It was soap. Rectangle soap….that I’ve already used xD Not really strange but okay xD This year I received wireless headphones and already have headphones :S xD
December 30th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Haha, I feel like a douche for believing the fake contest. But we can’t do anything to change what has happened, no matter how embarrassing.
I think the weirdest gift I’ve received this Christmas was from my best friend.
I’m always complaining about the lack of toilet paper and hand sanitizer in my school toilets. My school toilets are feral so it is always a traumatic experience, you are lucky to find a toilet that hasn’t got piss everywhere, or itching powder, or some other nasty substance. I’m also complaining about not having money for lunch.
My best friend took my complaints to heart and for Christmas I received a toilet paper roll, paper toilet seat covers and a 12 pack of Detol hand sanitizers. And for my not having enough money for lunch? She unwrapped the toilet paper, completely, and at random intervals she taped $100 in small change.
It was seriously the most fun I’d ever had unwrapping toilet paper, and it was my favorite present I received. Best friends really know how to brighten your day :)
December 30th, 2009 at 10:23 am
The funniest Christmas story I have is of a gift a friend received during our annual Naughty/Nice Gift Exchange. My friend Paul opens the present he chose, and it’s a playboy.
He says “All Right!”
Then he opens it, only to find that every single naked part on every single girl in the entire magazine has been blacked out with a black permanent marker. Talk about a true Naughty gift lol
December 30th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
My most bizarre gift AND x-mas, was this year lol
I was in home, drinking with friends all the day, and in the night went to my grandmas house to the eve, i get there kinda happy by drinking hahaha
but then we talked, was fun, so we decided to change gifts… We was changing, all ok, and my mom came with a box for me, i opened it, and was a Dildo HAHAHAHAHA
She said she was kidding, and gave me another present, ok…
Then, a time after it, she came to me with my uncle, and said it wasnt kidding, that was really for me, i was chocked HAHAHAHA my mom gaving me a dildo wtf
And the most bizarre came after it, my uncle started to TEACH ME HOW TO USE IT hahaha i was really ashamed hahaha
so before it, i drinked alot, and went home XD
Well, was it, hope you like it hahaha
December 30th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Wow, a fake contest?
That must have been quit confusing, haha.
I do have to say, being a teenager is not all that exciting through x-mas. There’s only so many presents that we want that are affordable, and half of them are things that our middle aged parents deem “Useless, trashy, &/Or just plain annoying”.
Normally, My mom doesn’t follow those thoughts because she wants me raised in an “Open & Free” environment (Which makes me wonder, am I supposed to be a lab experiment? Was I born so my parents could study me?). Anyways, this year she told me that she couldn’t get me everything I had on my list (Which is something I update every year around my birthday & x-mas. No confusion on what I want/need. It’s mostly composed of CD’s and types of clothing or makeup I want.), but she would get me a few things and one, really awesome gift.
So, it’s Christmas morning, I’m getting woken up by my mom’s new fiancee, and I’m about to drink some juice and sit in the living room. Typical morning.
But honestly, when it came to my mom’s gift choices, All I could think was… what the fuck.
I received:
-A plastic foldaway box. (Mom.)
-Recycled paper. For calligraphy. Which I don’t know how to do. (Mom. Maybe it goes in the box.)
-Four coupons to Chick-fil-a. (Grandma.)
-”The Worlds Biggest Condom” novelty gift (Haha. From my uncle.)
-A rubber ball. (uncle.)
Basically, I was shit-out-of-my-mind-confused.
I really thought that they must be out of their minds. But, I had another gift. My mom’s fiancee comes running downstairs, holding this ornately wrapped box with an abnormally ugly pink bow on it.
Well, It was a cellphone.
Afterward, my family made fun of me for hours.
They said that they just got me a whole bunch of crappy gifts to throw me off from the real one.
Well, lets just say that I kept all my crappy gifts, and that my family is composed of many strange and idiotic people.
Happy holidays!
xx- Nika
December 30th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
The holidays make me nervous each time around since my mother loves to get trashed and accuse me of ruining X-Mas. I, being a firm believer in gifts and not too fond of organized religion (plus being completely broke) asked everyone to forget about me when shopping for their holiday gifts and I was just not up for celebration.
Well much to my surprise, I was expected to stay at my mother’s to wake up for the unwrapping of gifts and did just that. She had given me a toothbrush (I thought I had good teeth) and a Barbie Doll. I’m 20 years of age but apparently I am still learning how to pee by myself according to my mother. The Barbie is probably going on my shelf of oddities next to my Easy Bake Oven from last year and my bound and gagged porcelain creepy doll I made myself.
I hope you have an exciting and eventful new year!
<3 Jade
December 30th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
One time I created a Cross-dressing Ken Doll as a white elephant gift for a Christmas party, that went over as a real hit. I dressed him up in custom made dress with all kinds of accessories… I even air brushed on makeup and changed the packaging. I went after the Marilyn Monroe look, and feel I pulled it off quite successfully. I still remember my uncles face when he opened that package… as red as a baboon’s a$$; priceless…
December 31st, 2009 at 12:22 am
So far the worst thing I’ve gotten was a Nuva ring CD case filled with- not the actual product!- but condoms from my grandmother. O.o
December 31st, 2009 at 12:26 am
Oh man, so a year or two ago I was at my friends house for their families Christmas dinner. (I had never experience a Christmas dinner because I am Jewish so I did not know what to expect.)
So I get to my friends house and a bunch of their family is there and they are all really super nice people, except for a grandmother. Now I had heard stories about said grandmother and I was somewhat afraid of her.
During the actual dinner the grandmother was complaining about my friend saying he’s too overweight, hair is too long, etc etc. She then demands my friends mom to pour her some win. So my friends mom pours the wine somewhat carelessly and it splashes into the grandmothers eye. She starts yelling “BETHY YOU GOT WINE IN MY EYE!!!!” and I had no idea if I should have pity for her or to laugh hystericaly.
One look at my friend and we burst into laughter along with the rest of the family. I guess grandma got what she deserved.
As for weirdest gift, I’d have to say was a pen that looked like a penis and had white ink…I still dont know where my brother bought this pen.
December 31st, 2009 at 1:55 am
Soo, this Christmas.. me and my three year old daughter Konstantine went to find my boyfriend a gift for Christmas. He is a very hard person to find anything for but we finally settled on this wallet that had a skull on it and she loved it so, of course, I had to get it. (Three year olds know best!) When it came time for him to open it.. she ran up to meet him and gave him the wrapped present. Jumping up and down she starts yelling for him to open it. As he’s trying to rip through the tape she suddenly shouts,”Open it! Open it! IT’S A WALLET!” She was so excited that all we could do was laugh. xD It definately made my day!
January 2nd, 2010 at 9:34 am
theres a story book here!!!!